I started writing this blog in 2015. I am the most inconsistent writer on the planet. But my original intent was genuine: help others see how we all struggle with the same things, and how we each offer strategies to help. It was my way to work through my husband’s depression. As I learn, I like to teach. It helps me learn.

Eventually, we adjusted. The blog changed direction, and I didn’t really want to become a healthy eating/exercising blogger. So I stopped writing.

Instead, I directed my energy towards painting, and surviving.

As of late, I have been hoping to restart the blog, but with a new focus: finding our way home (aka happiness). In the process, my life turned upside down. First, it intensified my desire, blogging was a potential way to earn money. Then, it was survival/sanity. Now, it’s a pipe dream because each passing day without a job chips away at my confidence.

I have had a lot of time to reflect though. As people living in communities, we need to be better. And before I start, let me say I am guilty too.

We shut out people who need emotional help. Not intentionally. Sometimes it’s because we don’t know what to do or say. Sometimes it’s because the person who needs help is being an ass. Sometimes it’s because we don’t want their sadness to ruin our happiness.

Regardless, we justify our lack of involvement by saying “if you need help talk to someone.” Well, the sad/struggling/depressed obviously know why you aren’t reaching out, so we are trying to respect that. And I recognize that you can say the same thing. But at some point, when do you do a wellness check?

If you are my friend, you have experienced my wellness checks. If you are important to me, I have privately checked on you before. If I haven’t, and you are important to me, I apologize, I thought you didn’t need it.

In general, we lack intent. We rely on social media to inform us about our families. Social media…where most of what you see are the happiest moments. Otherwise it’s just shared political content. That’s unrealistic.

Do you reach out to someone who has been quiet for a few days, to make sure they are okay? No? Exactly, social media is a crutch.

2018 is my year of intent. I have been distracted by my own misery/pity, struggling to stay positive and project confidence. But I refuse to give up.

This post is not a plea for help. It is more like an announcement. We can’t just like/love each other when happy. We have to love each other even at our lowest points.

Do you have a friend or loved one who is struggling with something? Reach out to them. Don’t expect them to be happy. Just prepare yourself to listen.


  1. This is well said. I understand how hard it is to reach out when you are in pain or fear. We as women are raised to be strong. The caregiver, never the receiver of care. We suffer in silence trying to be that perfect person we felt our parents expected us to be. When in reality WE were the ones with the grand expectations. We needed to prove ourselves worthy. Our family and friends love us unconditionally. They see our value, they know our potential, they want to help if needed, but they are NOT mind readers so we are sometimes left feeling alone and a failure. We can’t expect others to reach out when we pretend everything is rosy. We CAN expect our loved ones to listen without judgement, really listen when we show our most vulnerable and less then perfect self. When I am the most fragile, when I need the most kindness-that is the time I trust my family and friends to lift me up. They are not burdened by my problems. They feel blessed to be the person I trust with my doubts and fears. When I can’t bring myself to share I look to my God. He is always listening and the only one who sees my true path. Staying positive can be impossible sometimes. We must face the pain and find our way free. The question WHY ME? Isn’t always a pity party. Sometimes the answer is just around the corner and without asking it would never be found. Matther7:7
    New Living Translation
    “Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you..

    Liked by 1 person

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