Posted in Find Your Road Home, Marriage, a worthy challenge

25 Years: Year 18, 10 – 11

At the time, I would have called this the toughest year, or the worst year. I probably won’t put much of it into words because do we really need to dredge it ALL up? This isn’t that long ago that any of you who know us (really know us), remember what was going on. Let’s see if I can give you the gist without getting too graphic.

At the end of 2010, John was unemployed and I had lost my mind. The big factor here was money. Remember, WE SUCK WITH MONEY. This hasn’t changed over the years. It was just easier to suck with it when you have more to play with. Now we didn’t have squat to play with. We were saved by John’s 401K and the settlement for my ankle. This lack of money makes me crazy. It stresses me to the point I can’t even think clearly. It’s nuts. And unfortunately, it’s the theme from this point forward in our lives.

We stayed home for the holidays that year. We also hosted NYE. I miss our neighbors.

That spring I know I was ugly. I was walking twice a day due to the anxiety of what was going on. I was judgey. I was angry. I drank a lot. 

Work was making me do things I hadn’t done before – like travel. My confidence levels were rising. It didn’t help situations much.

There were of course the usual routines: soccer, birthdays and legos, etc. I took Alec to SXSW that year.

John actually tried to go back to the geotech job, but nothing changed and he left again. 

My mom visited that spring. John took her and the kids on a photo shoot one day.

John and I had our first part of the blow up on Alec’s birthday. We both admitted we were no longer happy. Now we had to figure out what to do about it. It was going to be a long and painful summer of truths. 

The kids and I Metz Beth and her kids at the Dallas Zoo.

That Memorial Day weekend, the boys and I went to Missouri for Mom’s 60th birthday party. Then we went to Illinois for some last minute prep for my 20th high school reunion. This was the last time I physically saw Glenn. We had lunch at Hammers. 

That summer was my reunion. I think it was fun. You be the judge. Hehe.

Throughout the summer John and I kept trying. We took dance lessons. We went to free concerts with the neighbor. We went to lunch once a week. We were intentional and we over-communicated a lot. The kids witnessed it all. Dylan won’t remember, but the other two will. I don’t know about John, but I’m so embarrassed by that still, that I don’t let myself get to that point anymore. I just don’t even go there. Gosh we were ugly.

By August, things started to turn around for John. He chose to work on some things personally. He got a job at Dell. It was temporary, but hey, that’s a start! I was getting bigger accounts at work and my confidence was growing tremendously. I was even traveling. 

Somehow we talked ourselves through the dislike. We didn’t trust each other yet. Or I should say, he didn’t trust me. I had no idea I shouldn’t trust him. Sigh. We were healing but with secrets. 

So how do two people stay together and survive all the yuck? My mom said on day one, “it’s complicated.” And she wasn’t wrong. But I still believe it’s love and communication that can get you through. 

Year 19 would be Alec’s senior year. Major life changes were on the horizon again. It would be a year of “lasts”. 

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