Posted in Find Your Road Home, Marriage, a worthy challenge

25 Years: Year 16, 08 – 09

Note: More photos are coming. There’s plenty for each section, I’m having technical difficulties with the external drive. So hang tight. What you see here has been pulled from Facebook.

The end of 2008 had the Bellamy’s busy. Alec was a freshman in high school and playing soccer. He was also battling some acne issues that would create more problems in 2009. Eric was in 4th grade – the year reading became important. Dylan was in his final year of Pre-K. The baby wasn’t much of a baby anymore.

Nana and Papa came for Christmas, and we all went to Sea World the day after Christmas. It was actually chilly here, but we still had a nice time with family.

That spring, Eric was in the science fair again. Everyone was playing soccer, and by this point, I was managing Dylan’s team. I took another work trip. This time to New Orleans, all by myself. I enjoyed walking Bourbon Street and going out with my hotel neighbor (we were at a science conference).

At the end of May, Dylan graduated from Pre-K. It also marked the start of the summer that Alec and Eric took care of Dylan when we weren’t on vacation.

The summer of 2009 is one of my favorites. The boys and I went to Yosemite with Kara. The only thing that would have made it better was to go with John. Our trip consisted of the boys and I driving to Arizona, and John flying out. A large group of friends from John’s class met up at Kara’s because Jake got married. Once we finished that celebration, Kara, the boys and I loaded up in Kara’s camper and started for California. It was definitely an adventure. I’d like to do it again now that the boys are older. I’d also like to take John. He’d love it there.

While we were in Yosemite having fun, John was home in the sweltering heat tiling our floor. Ask him about that sometime. Ask him if it’s finished. 

This is also the summer of the first ever Family Olympics. I love the concept of Family Olympics and I am seriously hoping that I planted the seed so that my sons will want to have family competitions for the rest of our lives. I forget how competitive I can be until I start competing. Jim, Alec, and I kicked everyone else’s butts. We’ve had Family Olympics 3 times, and I believe we are seriously overdue for another.

By the fall of 2009, my job was starting to change again. We were basically running out of product to write due to the lack of funds. We had just been purchased from Reader’s Digest. While we were working on Middle School science, we weren’t sure it would really happen. I was starting to get involved with some specific implementations due to the size and importance of associated with securing the sale. I was starting to see a different side of the company, but I was hoping to succeed my boss when he retired the following year.

We participated in our first Pancreatic Cancer walk. All of us did. The younger boys did the 1K and Alec did the 5K with me. I was pretty slow, and he was pretty patient. I volunteered at Dylan’s school, and trick-or-treating was just our thing. 

The concert was Rob Zombie. Did I go with John? Nope, went with Ilene. My boss’s son was in the band. It was fun. We were doing a lot, but I’m not sure how much we were really doing together

The fall also meant that I was coaching Dylan’s soccer team. John was managing Alec’s team. Eric was playing too. We lived soccer folks. As you can see, the Bellamy family has fallen into a routine. Work/school then soccer then school work/responsibilities. There are good things about routine, but there are also some hazards. Those hazards will show their face in 2010, stay tuned. 

Advertisements
Posted in Find Your Road Home, Marriage, a worthy challenge

25 Years: Year 15, 07 – 08

Healthy relationships are not something we seem to teach kids. Schools, to me, seem to be trying through Character Education, anti-bullying campaigns, and so on. And I suppose my generation learned a little about it during health class, but otherwise, learning about healthy relationships was left to families, and often the church. I can’t speak for what John learned growing up, but I can for myself. My mom and Jim modeled how to have a loving, supportive relationship. Jim was level-headed and mom was the reactor. My dad and his different wives (sorry I’m lumping you ladies) had the same “man is level-headed and the woman is the reactor” composition.

When you struggle with anything, especially something emotional like relationships, you lean on what you have learned. My mom and Jim are what Alec would deem a little “extra” and honestly, no one can replicate that. My dad has been married 3 times. Sure, this last one has been longer than 25 years now, but still, I can remember the different girlfriends.

Yeah, I knew we were trying to find OUR way. Personally, I instinctually want to run when anything gets tough. I get too emotional and expect the man to be level-headed and clean up the mess. What John and I did though was sweep it under the rug and pretend it wasn’t happening. We just doubled-down on the kids and their stuff. 

So, at the end of 2007, life was interesting. This is the year Mom and Jim brought Grandma to Texas for Christmas! That was a nice visit and I loved showing off that I could afford a home. 

2008 was a busy year. First of all, Alec was in 8th grade. There were plays, ceremonies, graduations, and so on. He also worked as a ref for soccer. Eric was in 3rd grade and he had just received his first F on his report card. Dylan was in the 3-4-year-old class at a new school and no news was good news.

Eric was participating in the science fair, probably because he had to. 

March of 2008, John and I went to Boston for a work related trip. I was going to the NSTA convention for work, and John could take vacation. I would go to the convention for a good chunk of the day, and then we would adventure through the rest of the day/night. We really are two headstrong people though. He’s just an Aries who always has to be in charge and right, and I’m fighting years of being told what to do. It made for some fun moments. 

2008 is the year Alec and I threw a surprise party for John for his birthday. Sure, he was only 38 (not 40). But if I did it on a big year, he’d figure it out and tell me I couldn’t have the party. So, we surprised him. I really believe he was pleasantly surprised. 

That spring, Alec decided he was going to lose his mind. He did normal 8th-grade things, just pushing his boundaries and limits. But the boy actually ended up grounded on his birthday. 

When school got out, we took the kids to Sea World. By this point, Sea World had roller coasters and water parks included. We went for the day and just had a ball. 

That summer, ALL of the kids went to IL. The boys had adventures. John and I had to learn how to be with just each other. Oh, boy, did we fight. And fight. And fight some more. Then it was time to go to his 20th high school reunion. (can you feel the tension building)

Once we were home, everyone wanted to see us. They’d had our kids for a couple of months now, and they were eager to see us. But we were focusing on the reunion (not my directive). Fortunately, we ignored him some and were able to get some fabulous family photos and visit with people. But let me tell you, I know during that visit I had many ugly moments. I told you I was becoming someone I wasn’t sure I liked. 

Fall came and it was time for school to start again. Alec was starting high school. Dylan was starting pre-K. Eric was starting 4th grade. Everyone was playing soccer. Both John and I were involved with managing or coaching. Soccer was our life. By this point, we were on auto-pilot. We had a little more time before complete engine failure, but not long. 

Posted in Find Your Road Home, Marriage, a worthy challenge

25 Years: Year 14, 06 – 07

Since my last story post was a day ago, let’s recap. We’re in Texas now. John’s still working on the toll road, and I’m still teaching. When we aren’t doing one of those things, we are knee deep in the kids’ activities (aka soccer).

In the Fall of 2006, I had changed schools and left the classroom. If I had stayed in AZ, I would’ve been out by now, so I had to try. Interventionist was step one. My boss was the AP for Curriculum, so that meant my next step was principal certification. Did I ask anyone’s permission or even thoughts, nope? Although he supported me by taking care of the kids while I was in class, and talking through stuff with me.

Apparently, we didn’t celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas that year, although I know differently. I am just having difficulties locating pictures. Eric was turning 8. Dylan was going to turn 4 in February. And by mid-2007, Alec would be 13.

SONY DSC

The spring was all about working out, over-extending myself at work, and going to class. We did take a little adventure to Oklahoma for some camping with John, Kara, Conner, and our kids. We even got John on a boat.

As I mentioned above, Alec became a teenager that year. I was so shocked at how ignorant he treated me. Gosh he was ridiculous.

By the time school ended our lives would change. I had an opportunity to leave the classroom. I could work in online publishing, and not for a boring old textbook company, but for a thought-leader. So as soon as school was out, I started work. A couple things happened…

First, the older two went to Illinois without Dylan. That was tough for Dylan. Second, Dylan had to stay in preschool over the summer. Not so good. By the end of summer Dylan was changing schools after being kicked out of the one he was in. Like Eric before him, we never had another school issue with him.

I never realized how important summers off with my kids were until I didn’t have them. I still miss it. It’s just so carefree. Anyway, I’m digressing.

By the fall of 2007, I was completely wrapped up in a new job. It still took almost all of my time, but it paid more. There were so many moving pieces and I loved every second of it. It was all new.

What I didn’t realize was that I was becoming a person I’m not so sure I liked. John and I were fighting more. I wasn’t home as much. My attention had shifted, and I didn’t realize how much that was going to impact all of our lives. I was allowing my job to become my top priority. That’s never wise. Not for anyone.

Posted in Find Your Road Home, Marriage, a worthy challenge

25 Years in 25 Days: Three Truths So Far

Hey y’all, as we hit the halfway point in the marriage, I believe we can start to draw a few conclusions about what makes a marriage last. I’ll pinpoint what I feel are the 3 most important so far. Let’s see if y’all agree.

1. Communication is critical. Every single time John and I have had issues in our relationship, the key missing ingredient is communication. You may say, “but you argue all the time, isn’t that communicating?” Fine, let me clarify. Healthy communication is critical to a relationship.

For John and I, this became most evident in 2002-2003. When we went to counseling, one of our strategies was to journal to each other each day. Sometimes more than once. After we’d read it, we’d talk about anything that really needed worked through.

Our notebook strategy not only helped then, but we’ve used it several times since. Now though, we skip the notebook and just talk.

2. You may not always like each other, but it’s just temporary. I suspect some of you are laughing hysterically and others of you are confused. While yet the rest of you know exactly what I mean.

In 2005, my boss at the time was celebrating her 25th anniversary. As she was recounting some fond memories, she hit a year where she exclaimed, “I didn’t like him at all that entire year.” It was a sudden aha moment. By gosh, I didn’t have to pretend he hung the moon (not that I did, but I felt guilty because I didn’t). I won’t say we didn’t have issues after this, but just having her give me permission was so refreshing.

While John and I have never discussed this one with each other, I can think of moments he couldn’t have liked me. I didn’t like me. You won’t like me. Most of that is in the years still to come in our story.

3. Family is born AND chosen. Over the years we have been blessed to have so much family around. Some of the family is due to birth or marriage while other is chosen and built on shared experiences.

When we were first married, we couldn’t have done it without family. Heck, if it wasn’t for Dad, we wouldn’t have been married when we were. If it hadn’t been for Tom, we wouldn’t have had furniture. If it hadn’t been for Karen (and my younger sisters), we wouldn’t have been able to be college kids occasionally. If it hadn’t been for Mom & Jim, Alec & I wouldn’t have gone to England. If it hadn’t been for Dad & Le, we wouldn’t have had a place to live during student teaching, and we wouldn’t have had help moving across country. I didn’t appreciate them at the time, and now I’d love to be closer. But they all live in IL. I just can’t do it.

Once we moved, we no longer had the unconditional support system. But we had friends. Friends who were ready for us the moment we arrived. Jobs, babysitting, moral support, laundry services, you name it, The Flanagan’s became our family.

More importantly though, for better or worse, John and I created our own family. It was only when we moved away from the automatic support that we were able to grow together and strengthen us.

We have had lots of family move in and out of our lives over the years, but for the last 28, John and I have been each other’s consistency.

Come back tomorrow for 2006-2007. There are some changes on the horizon.

Posted in Find Your Road Home, Marriage, a worthy challenge

25 Years: Year 13, 05 – 06

Time for the Bellamy family is just flying by! Alec is in 6th/7th grade. Eric is in 2nd/3rd grade, and Dylan is still in preschool.

When we moved to Texas, we didn’t have a support system. But in our neighborhood, we were building a family. That New Year’s Eve, we had a GREAT time in the neighborhood! Rock band, plenty of alcohol, and I’m sure there was poker.

Dylan turned 2! I turned 33 that year. Not only did I get my favorite lamp, but I went skydiving. I had finally lost enough weight. (I’ll see if I can dig up a picture.) John turned 36, Alec turned 12, and Eric was 7.

Remember that visit from Karen, Pat, Lynne, and Ivy last Easter? Well, I was off a year. It was actually this year that they came. John also got his motorcycle. When they visited, we hid the motorcycle next door.

At the beginning of May, I may a poor behavior management choice with my class, and I ended up suspended for 8 days. Talk about the worst feeling in the world. But I will say, I haven’t felt the same about teaching since then. I was placed on a reasonable action plan to attend some classroom management training, and everything was okay.

That June, my mom and I took our first adventure to NYC. This is definitely the one we paid the most for. We stayed just off Times Square. We saw the filming of Spiderman 2 (RIP Stan Lee). We went to see The Color Purple and Rain (with Rudd, Roberts, and Cooper) on Broadway. We rode the double-decker bus, and we took the ferry to Ellis Island and the Statue of Liberty. It really was a grand time.

While I was in NYC, John took the kids to IL.

That July, I believe we hung out with the neighborhood again. At that time, we were allowed to do fireworks as long as there wasn’t a burn ban. John would know. I also believe we went to a work picnic for John at the lake. I may be off a year though. Y’all know how it is, it starts to blur, and he’s starting to get cranky about me always asking him if he remembers. (haha)

Eric took swim lessons that summer and I was interviewed for the local News station. I had 2 minutes of fame – haha. I also believe Alec was doing conditioning for soccer.

While I had been suspended, I applied for positions in other school districts that would potentially take me out of the classroom. I was disappointed by the change in career trajectory due to moving from AZ to TX. In TX, an advanced degree doesn’t really matter in a school. They’ll say it doesn’t (it’s a statistic on the yearly report card), but it doesn’t enough to pay fairly. Anyway, I’m digressing. I needed out of the classroom. Honestly, I no longer trusted my judgement.

Miraculously, I was called from a high school that needed an interventionist. I was thrilled, and probably a little under-qualified. But my heart was in the right place.

John was still working on the toll road. By this point, people were driving on portions of it, and they were beginning the next portion.

This is the year I went to ACL for the first time thanks to Lynne. I had always heard how addictive it was, and how once you went you always had to go. Boy, they weren’t wrong.

We also had the BEST family pictures taken ever. These are the ones still hanging on our wall. Maybe it’s time to update.

All of our free time was soccer. Alec was playing for Lonestar at this point? Eric was playing for Round Rock. John took Alec. I took Eric and Dylan. We couldn’t go home as often, or at least all of us couldn’t.

This is one of those years that we didn’t go home for Thanksgiving or Christmas, but we hosted the neighborhood. Everyone always loved John’s cooking. We also had a fireman and a waitress in the hood, and their hours sometimes meant their loved ones were alone. So we made sure everyone was included.

Posted in Find Your Road Home, Marriage, a worthy challenge

25 Years: Year 12, 04 – 05

It took us a while, but we were finally settling down and buying a home. We would’ve never been able to buy one in AZ, so this was exciting. We were going to be in our new home by Christmas.

Mom & Jim came first. They bought us some new furniture for our new house. Then Dad & LeAnn came for Christmas.

 

That spring, we just settled in. Dylan has his own space since he was in a crib. Alec and Eric shared a room.

 

Mom & Jim were back in February for Dylan’s first birthday. Leslye came for a visit. And Karen, Lynne, Pat and Ivy came for Easter. We had so much fun!

 

That April/May, we got Zorro. He was such a cute little goober, and he and Morgan were a pretty good team.

Pic's_697 118

We learned that year that Eric has some kind of plant allergy. The poor kid missed the last days of school because he looked like the elephant man.

One benefit of teaching was summers off, and now that we were closer to home, I took advantage. That summer, the boys and Zorro and I went to IL/MO. Who travels with a 15 month old and a puppy? Me. Yep, crazy.

<insert photos from summer>

While we were in IL, John went skydiving with Jake and his friend Reggie.

That fall, Alec started 6th grade. He was at my school again. Eric was in 1st. Alec started league soccer. Eric attempted football. John and I had to divide and conquer. I’m pretty sure my entire existence at that time was Dylan.

<insert photos from soccer and football>

I started trying to get more involved in school. I became a collaborative teacher. I planned the Fall Carnival. And I had my first panic attack. I had to go in an ambulance because my BP was so high. They did tests, and I was fine. But I had to learn to set limits.

By Thanksgiving, we had neighbors! In typical Bellamy fashion, we hosted Thanksgiving for the neighborhood. Moving here had been the BEST decision ever!

Posted in Find Your Road Home, Marriage, a worthy challenge

25 Years: Year 11, 03 – 04

By our 10th anniversary we had made it to Texas. John was working on the toll road everyone despised and I was teaching. We knew we could make this move work, even without a support system, because we had each other. To us, that was our only consistency. Well, that and love (mini-puke).

That Christmas we went home. First me and the kids, then John and Morgan. That was the year she chewed through her kennel and ended up on Dad & LeAnn’s roof. Silly dog!

Honestly, that Christmas was one of my favorites. The Boone side got together again, which we hadn’t done in forever. It was my first time meeting Desirae & Sebastian. The kids had the BEST time with their cousins.

<picture from Christmas coming>

Once we were home, time flew pretty quickly. Ivy was born the end of January. For my birthday, John took me to see Phantom of the Opera. It snowed (seriously, in Texas?!). And I helped administer my first TAKS test. Bleh.

<picture of Ivy coming>

Dylan was born a couple of weeks early in February instead of March.

My friend and coworker, while I was pregnant, warned me that we were screwed. I didn’t believe her. In my mind, we could each handle 2 kids. She said, “you might as well have 20 kids.” I told her she was wrong. Again, my life was providing foreshadowing that I was ignoring.

While on maternity leave, my Dad and LeAnn visited. Let me just say, they scared the crap out of me. They got in a major car wreck. I could hear the emergency sirens where I lived. Then John called and said someone was picking me and the baby up. So scary!

<picture of car coming>

Once my leave was up, my mom and Karen came to stay with Dylan. Honestly, one of THE most amazing things! That way we didn’t have to put Dylan in daycare until the fall. Plus, they were with us for Mothers Day, and Alec’s 10th birthday.

<pictures from Nana and Karen visit coming>

That summer was fun! First, I took Dylan to Arizona. I had some very important people who I needed to see graduate, and some friends wanted to meet the wee one.

Then, we went to Missouri. Grandma Lockwood was housesitting for Nana & Papa while they were in Italy, so we came to hang out. That’s when Eric called the 911 because he was in “big trouble.” Gosh that kid!

Good news! I found a teaching position closer to home, and Eric started Kindergarten.

I hit it off with my team right away. One teammate had a husband who worked for a builder. They had just put in the last houses of a neighborhood and they were discounted. So we tried, and qualified! We were finally getting our own home!

Our Home 004

Wow! Life just can’t get much better.

Note: My apologies for all of the picture placeholders. While we were digital at this point, not everyone else was. I need pictures from the photo tub but don’t want to wake John. I’ll add them once he has gone to work. 

Posted in Find Your Road Home, Marriage, a worthy challenge

25 Years: Year 10, 02-03

This is one of my favorite years. If Dylan had been a part of it, it would be my all-time favorite. But he wasn’t born yet.

By our 9th anniversary, we were making amends to each other. We made sure we had date night. I tried to not get as directly involved in my students lives. The few it was too late, they were my babysitters.

That Christmas, we took the kids to Disneyland. This is THE best surprise ever. We drove to Disney. The kids were clueless. We had driven to San Diego enough, they just assumed we were doing something like that.

So we got to the hotel. John checked in and right away we got on the trolley/bus to Disney. I don’t know how they didn’t notice any Mickey heads, but they didn’t. As we came alongside Disney, Alec noticed. He turned around really quick and was like, “can we go there?” We played it off like we had to think about it for a second and then said, “yes.”

No one on the bus could believe it. If it had been today, we’d be viral, I’m sure. They were ecstatic!

We spent 3 days at Disneyland. Had a ton of fun! So many signatures and pins. It was COLD too! We had to buy coats, gloves, and hats in CA. Ha!! We were there for Eric’s birthday too. We left for home on Christmas Eve.

That Christmas, Jake hung out with us. Then Dad and LeAnn made their annual trip to gather rocks. We actually went to Tombstone and down to Tucson during that visit.

That spring, John went back to school for IT. We were even discussing becoming more involved together in the school district by John running for school board.

Alec tried basketball instead of soccer.

Pic_s_425 003

I was involved in a bunch of committees. My intent was to work my way into administration with my eventual Master’s degree. I was using a trial program we were starting at the school in the fall for research. It was all coming together perfectly. I’d hopefully be able to move out of the classroom when the last of “my kids” graduated in 04.

John went home for his mom’s 60th birthday, as did the rest of his siblings. It was the first BIG birthday with all four of her kids.

Pic_s_425 013

Right at the end of school, we got pregnant with Dylan. I knew the second it happened. I had a trip planned to AL to visit Leslye, and went. I still have my Sweet Home Alabama t-shirt from the airport – haha.

That summer, Jessica came to stay. She watched the boys so we could work. I was teaching summer school, attending committee meetings, and going to school at ASU.

Pic_s_4 262

We kept it quiet as long as we could about being pregnant. We wanted to make sure there wouldn’t be another miscarriage. By the time Jess left, I think we were telling people.

That July we took 2 trips with Jessica. One to Mexico: Kara, Jess, me and the boys. The 2nd was to San Diego, and John went on that one with us. We went to the San Diego Zoo and Sea World and the beach. We wanted to give Jessica the whole experience.

(See why this is my favorite year!)

Right about the time Jess headed home, John started interviewing for a position in Texas. They were building a toll road and needed someone to do lab work. Quickly, John had a phone interview. Flew out for an interview. Then we drove out to scope things out. And then we moved.

If you haven’t noticed, we don’t do things slowly. We just Ready, Go! Not much aim. We knew it would be a good move. At the very least, we’d be closer to actual family. We knew I could teach anywhere.

We moved on Sept 3. Kara helped us. We brought Morgan, who initially stayed with Dana for a bit. We felt bad putting her in the apartment. We took her back before long. We just had to walk her.

We got Alec into soccer. He actually met one of his life long friends back then, and another of his future high school classmates (and teammates). Everyone did a great job making us feel included and they were always curious about the soon to come baby.

Uncle Mikey graduated from boot camp in the Air Force that year, so Dad, LeAnn, Dan, Cec and Becca came through town. Becca cried anytime Grandma left without her. The entire time she was gone. Even if Grandpa was there. While they were in town we learned we were having a boy. After that time with Becca, I was okay with that (sorry girlie, I love you bunches). We had a fun trip. We went to San Antonio and Galveston. Always an adventure.

I didn’t get a new job until mid-October. It would be hard to get hired when I needed maternity leave in April. But I was. That should’ve been a warning. Those kids were batshit crazy. I missed my CG kids. Oh well, a job is a job.

Karen and Patrick came to visit at Halloween. Ashley (Patrick’s GF) was pregnant too. She was due a month before we were. At least there would be cousins the same age. They had a nice visit with the boys. It was nice that we were closer.

By that anniversary, I was pretty pregnant. John gave me my giant CZ earrings and necklace. Life was good, and we were about to be a lopsided family of five. Our anniversary is usually over Thanksgiving, and we spent that one in Missouri with Nana and Papa.

Posted in Find Your Road Home, Marriage, a worthy challenge

25 Years: Year 9, 01-02

We left off a week before our anniversary in 2001, and John had expressed that he wanted a divorce. We didn’t do much about it at the time, except maybe let it fester. It definitely clouded our anniversary and the upcoming holidays.

We spent Christmas of 2001 in Illinois. Many of our friends were still there. We enjoyed ourselves, but I’m sure they didn’t help our relationship any.

As the spring semester began, school was still talking most of my time. The TEAM program was showing success, but it took a lot of our focus and attention. I also believe this was the year I sponsored the Step team. Again, I was always wrapped up in the kids’ drama, and I would bring the kids home when I could.

To add to it, I started a Masters Degree in spring. I did not ask. I just took care of the process and started classes. It was a good decision, but at the time it was very selfish. I wasn’t exactly helping my marriage situation.

Alec was still playing soccer and John was still coaching. Both were really enjoying their efforts. The good news was that even though John and I were struggling, the boys didn’t seem to be impacted much yet. They were still happy little boys.

That May/early June we went home for graduations for Mike & Jess. (Mikey, sorry I don’t have a photo of you from that time.) Once we came home, I taught summer school for the first time.

All this time, we had never really done anything about John’s divorce request from six months prior. We fought. We fought a lot. I was pretty emotional during that time period and didn’t always handle those emotions properly. We had also become distracted by other people.

By the fourth of July, our emotions were so raw,  I reciprocated the divorce request.

Fortunately, neither of us really wanted to get divorced, and John’s company actually covered marriage counseling through their insurance, so we went. We were only slotted 5 sessions, but we went. And we did all of our homework. More importantly, we found ways to communicate that worked for US. It wasn’t easy. It took daily intentions. But we worked at it.

Just before school resumed in the fall, Mom & Jim gave us their Chevy Blazer. This was a wonderful blessing for our growing family. The boys and I went and met our niece/cousin Miracle. Then John flew in and we drove to from IL to Dallas to meet his sister Dana in person. While there, we went to Six Flags.

Once home, John and I were doing so well, working on our marriage, that we had temporary insanity and got pregnant. Within a couple of weeks though, we miscarried. I was so sad that John called the doctor to prescribe anti-depressants. I took them for a week.

So in an attempt to distract me and cheer me up, we decided to go to Las Vegas with Dana that September. John had already been with her once, and they had a great time. So he was hoping this would do the trick. It didn’t, but it was nice.

We managed to stay positive and happy in our marriage even though we had the miscarriage. By this point it was the second year for the TEAM program, and I had learned how to establish some boundaries. I had also convinced John that my Master’s degree would have tremendous value. He was doing well in his position, and was enjoying his new project at Sky Harbor Airport.

That fall, we bought first Sony digital camera. We were planning to take the boys to Disney that Christmas, and we wanted a digital camera to take tons of pictures.

Just a year ago, I would have wagered that we were going to be divorced, and here we were, a happy little family again. It’s a good thing because 2003 was going to bring MAJOR changes.

Posted in Find Your Road Home, Marriage, a worthy challenge

25 Years: Some Reminders Before We Move On

Before we go to the next year, let’s discuss some things. I want to make sure we are clear:

  1. This was all a long time ago. Obviously we’ve moved on, and the point of this series is to figure out how, even with these blemishes, we still made it.
  2. This is my blog, not John’s. I can’t tell you what he was thinking at any time. All I can tell you is what I experienced or perceived from him. Does that make sense?
  3. I am going to own a lot of this. Over the years, I’ve confided in different people and they will feel differently. That’s ok. I know I was a crazy lady, and as I look back, I find myself really shaking my head. I didn’t realize just how crazy. Hopefully, I’m learning a little something.
  4. If I leave something and/or someone out, it was probably intentional. Some details are not critical to the story. Other topics, I know better than to discuss at certain depths. Just because I’m writing about it doesn’t mean you need all the details. But it also doesn’t mean I don’t remember.

Come back tomorrow and we will move on to 2001-2002. Obviously, we get over the divorce hurdle. I think there’s lessons in the how though.