Posted in Be You

Survivor Saturday – What We Lose

There’s 2 ways to survive: overcome an awful personal situation, or be the remaining person in a struggle.

When we lose a loved one, we are a survivor. But we aren’t ready to survive without our loved one. We lose so much more than a physical person. We lose the future.

In 1995, we lost my father-in-law to cancer. If we look at just my immediate family (5 of us), here’s just a sample of what we lost:

  1. A father to give advice.
  2. A grandpa to watch his grandsons grow up.
  3. A father to say, “you’re a great dad”.
  4. A grandpa to play horse.
  5. A grandpa to teach about coins and money.
  6. A grandpa to watch them play soccer.
  7. A grandpa to hug at graduation.
  8. A grandpa to flirt with the future wife.
  9. A grandpa to take them fishing.
  10. A great grandpa to give a cigar when the great granddaughter is born.
  11. A father/grandfather to share family history.

While we lost these moments, we have kept TJ in our thoughts. We refuse to lose our memories. 

This weekend we are at a graduation for my husband’s family, my father-in-law’s side. I am watching my husband. Family is so important to him and I know he learned it from his dad. I know TJ would be so proud of him. I just wish my husband could hear him say it.

Posted in Be You

Survivor Saturday – Suicide

I have talked to you about your death

More than anyone else.

It’s true what they say,

You can’t talk about it.

I mean, how do you say it?

My friend is dead.

What happened?



Because what do you say?

We are so programmed.

My first thought is always,

Do they really go to hell?

It’s no wonder 

We have no words.

No one should go to hell 

After living a lifetime there.

I’ve learned from you

That you didn’t go to hell.

Your spirit went with the rest,

Wherever you find peace.

Us survivors though,

We need to start talking.

Find the words,

So we can find peace too.

In the end,

That’s what you wanted for us all.



Suicide Resources:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) Suicide Prevention: How to Help Someone Who is Suicidal  

American Association of Suicidology: Survivors of Suicide Fact Sheet 

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: Coping with Suicide Loss